i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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