My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
