suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
