my phone needs a breathalizer
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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