he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize