well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
