I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
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