I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
