I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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