Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize