Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
