Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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