I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
and you fell through a lawn chair
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
