how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
