Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
