girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
