If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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