i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize