Your face is a jimmy john
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
