Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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