he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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