I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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