Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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