Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
