Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
