Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
