We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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