so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
