Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
