i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
