did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
