and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
