remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You smell like stripper and shame
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
