like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
