i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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