Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
