Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
