Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
