Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
