I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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