His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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