If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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