went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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