I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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