Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I will be naked everywhere
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
