Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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