New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
