There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
