so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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