hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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