He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
