I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
