yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize