I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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