Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
