I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
cat food counts as protein by the way
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
