Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I want a musical about memes.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
