omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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