Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
