oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize