i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
