Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
