Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
