I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Randomize
