Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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