I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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