Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
