so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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