Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
