I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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