my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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