I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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