my being single is dangerous.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
