I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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