So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
