I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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