I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
