hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
