I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
