my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
