Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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