how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
