I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
