I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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