I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
