i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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